His Pain, His Pray, and His Hope
by Shadow Kiddo
Summary: RE-PUBLISHED / Based/Inspired of 'Insanity' / Even he has tortured, he still had a prays and a little hopes. / "I've already lived at Hell." / AU. Kaito POV. Warning inside. Don't like? Don't read! Mind to Read and Review?


**His Pain, His Pray, and His Hope.**

**Genre: Poetry and Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Warning: AU, OOC, Kaito POV, beware of my shitty English, Kaito torture, some little dark thing._. and child abuse. **

**Author's first try to make a poem-fic. Don't like? Don't read!**

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**Based/Inspired of 'Insanity' fic by Shimizu Hikaru... :D **

***I apologized if this poem wasn't disconnecting with the original story~. v^^***

**.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Detective Conan © Aoyama Gosho**

**His Pain, His Pray, and His Hope © Shadow Kiddo a.k.a MSN1412**

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><p><em><strong>.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**.**_

I've never imagined if my life will shatter like this.

My parents had died, and killed with that man in black who was kidnapped me.

And … brought me to their lab, and being me as their lab rat.

But … why should I? Why should those children among me?

Am I _special_? Or, am I a _disaster_ for them?

**.**

**.**

First, I feel hopeless. My life is almost scattering because of this.

But I've remembered Shin-chan … I've remembered my _Nii-nii._

He still alive, he _still alive_ and living out there….

I don't know that I must happy, or I must sad.

But for now, I must separate with him, until I can't reach his hand again….

Until I can't grab _Nii-nii_'s hand again….

_**.**_

We separated with different universes,

like _an unbreakable mirror_ which had separated us….

He still lived at the peaceful Heaven, _home…._ But, I've already _lived at Hell._

_**.**_

_**.**_

I was trying to escape from this Hell, _once._

But, I couldn't…. They've got me, to make me their lab rat.

At first, I was so scared. Those cold eyes … it fears me and it still haunted me.

My tears are dropped … one by one.

I want to scream … but I can't. My lip seems like don't want let me to scream.

Why _Kami-sama_? Why you don't let me to scream?

It's so hurt. I want to release this PAIN!

And why do you let me … living at this nightmare?

This Hell place with those mysterious men and women in black among me….

Those mysterious and also bad men in black … like the Devils….

Like a terror for me, for my little heart….

I want to escape from this nightmare! I want to escape from this hell place! I want to escape from this pain!

_Kami-sama … onegai …_

Please … MAKE ME FLEE FROM HERE…! FROM THIS PAINFUL NIGHTMARE!

So I can meet my _Nii-nii_ again…. So I can have a beautiful life again.

_**.**_

But, it's too late. I can't escape from them.

They play me like a toy. They make me … like I am NOTHING for them!

Nothing … with this painful heart, and with this painful body!

Why, _Kami-sama..._ WHY?

_Doushite…? Doushite…? Doushite…?_

Why they want to kill me, as their lab rat…?

_Onegai, Kami-sama … onegai…._

_Onegai…._

Flee me away from this nightmare. I beg you, because I'm tired of crying just for hoping….

And also … because I'm going to die….

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

_BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS!_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

It was dark, I couldn't see anything. I can smirk, even it hurts.

But … I can't move. Why I can't move?

Oh…. I remembered,

I was tortured with those devils. With _those freaking creatures!_

Perhaps _Kami-sama_ doesn't love me again. Perhaps _Kami-sama_ doesn't want me to live again,

And I died tortured … in front of those Devils, as the lab rat.

Do you hate me? Do you really hate me so much?

Do you want to let me … living torture at this dirty-crash world?

But _…_ I didn't do anything BAD for you!

Nor for my _Kaa-san_ and _Tou-san_, and also for my _Nii-nii_!

I didn't….

_I didn't…._

.

.

.

I am hoping … someone who will help me, someone who will revive me … from this nightmare.

Yes, an Angel. _Tenshi desu…._

An Angel will help and protect me every single bad happens….

And release me from this painful nightmare that I don't want to FEEL IT ANYMORE!

I lean down my head, and thinking yet hoping….

_Kami-sama…._ Does the Angel really exist? Will the Angel protect me?

If it really does ... will it be can revive me … with all of this pain?

.

If the tomorrow comes, will I be able to smile again?

Smile like usual. Smile like a _bright sunshine_ that will shine the world.

Even it is forced … will I?

And if the clouds can free up to the sky, will I can free like the clouds?

… Escape and free from this entire Nightmare?

Will I…?

_Will I…?_

.

But, it's hopeless. I only can wish it. That's all….

I'm just hoping … hoping from this little-hurt heart.

.

.

.

Even I only can wish it, but…

I hope … I hope that day will come. Even I must wait,

for a hundred years or _until I die…._

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**If tomorrow comes, will I be able to smile? Will I be able to smile like I did on that day?**_  
><em><strong>I wish, I keep wishing….<strong>_

_**(Taishou A by anNina)**_

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><p><em><strong>JAPANESE VOCABULARIES:<strong>_

_**Kami-sama: the Lord/God**_

_**Onegai: Please**_

_**Kaa-san: Mother | Tou-san: Father**_

_**Nii-nii *reveals of Nii-san*: Brother *for the elder***_

_**Doushite: Why**_

_**Demo: But**_

_**Tenshi: an Angel :D**_

**because I _love_ writing fics with some Japanese vocabularies~ v^^**

**.**

**yep, THIS IS RE-PUBLISHED :) I moved it from my main account :) *and ... A/N below wasn't changed after all XD*  
><strong>

**after I read the Insanity fic over and over again, and inspired of some OST song from Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni series *and the song above was from 'Kai' series :)*, I was trying to write it as my status at GTalk. But, Shimizu-san worried for me cause of my status which she's read._. *gomen-nee, Shimizu-san. I've already made you worried about that status v^^ *bows** and ... tried to write it again while I had chatted with my friends at Y!M._. *oh great, what's wrong with me-.-a***

**and Kaito's called to Shinichi, I'd like to call 'Nii-nii'._. even 'Shin-chan' was suitable too._. it cause I've inspired with Satoko from Higurashi series, who's always called her brother 'Nii-nii'. :)**

**first try I made this poem-fic ..._ donnate?_._.a *and ofc, I would apologized if I have a limited vocabularies and bad grammar v^^ (like my friend Tomato said, nobody's perfect, ne? :D)***

**.**

**at last, _sankyuu_ for reading this poem-fic :D last word, review?**

**Jaa matta-nee~**

_**Shadow Kiddo is sign out...  
><strong>_


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